Field of 33 - Reasons You Missed the Indy 500

In this year’s “Month of May” series, on each day leading up to the Indianapolis 500 on May 26, a different topic about the race or about Indianapolis will be discussed. Each of these topics will be ranked to create special “fields of 33” regarding the Indy 500. I hope you enjoy, and I hope you learn something about Indianapolis and the Indy 500, the Greatest Spectacle in Racing.

Now that Memorial Day weekend has begun, let the partying and the fun begin! Don’t forget that the biggest and most fun day is Sunday, race day. So don’t go too crazy tonight and miss the race tomorrow as a result! Be careful not to end up missing the race because of one of the following reasons: Your Field of 33 Reasons Why You Missed the Indy 500.

Row 11

33. Purdue Band was Full – That would be a nice, free ticket to the race and a chance to march around the Speedway! However, you didn’t get picked because the saxophone section was full. Better luck next year!

32. Seats are No Longer Available – About 15,000 seats were removed in turn 3 this year due to safety regulations. You’ve sat there your entire life and decided that’s where you want to be, period. So you aren’t going this year. I hope this isn’t the case but I’m sure some feel that way.

31. Spent All of Your Money – You saw all of those vendors outside the track with this cool stuff and you couldn’t help but buy the cool shirts, helmets, hats, and die cast cars you could! Only when you got your fourth Tony Kanaan car did you realize that you spent all of your money and now cannot buy a ticket onto the grounds!

Row 10

30. The Chair Shark Got You – You are on a boat on a lake the night before the race and somehow your folding chair goes overboard. Luckily you weren’t sitting in that chair when the “Chair Shark” attacked! DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!

29. Graduation – I guess graduating is a big enough deal to miss the race…maybe…although I might skip the diploma and get to the Brickyard!

28. No Place to Stay – There’s a hotel available SOMEWHERE I’m sure, but it can be tough unless you plan ahead. Honestly, go find somebody’s back yard and ask if you can stay there!

Row 9

27. Florence Phobia – You cannot use that excuse this year! Florence Henderson is ill and will not be attending the race…and now I feel badly because of all of the jokes I’ve made this month…oh well, at least I don’t need earplugs this year now! (Oh darn I made another joke…sorry Mrs. Brady!)

26. Sour Milk – The night before the race, you decide to mimic a driver winning the Indy 500 and take a big drink of victory milk! You don’t realize that the milk was two weeks past expiration and now are feeling worse than a rookie with butterflies!

25. Helio Keeps Winning –One of our group members went to his first race in 2001 and Helio Castroneves won. He returned next year, and Helio won yet again. When he got the pole position for the 2003 race, there was some legit questioning whether or not to attend the race. It was starting to get a big redundant with the same guy winning each year you attended the race!

Row 8

24. Mad at Your Pool Drawing – So you drew Milka Duno and now know you have no chance in the pool. You get so frustrated that you kick a door which flies back and gets you in the face. Now you can’t see Milka or any of the other drivers tomorrow!

23. Sun Poisoning – This usually happens the day of the race. However, those who maybe attend Carb Day on Friday or sit too long in the sun at the Parade on Saturday can end up with sun poisoning and miss the race. Be smart, lather up.

22. Missed Your Wake-Up Call – To get to the track early, you need a nice early wake-up call at your hotel. You’re such a heavy sleeper that the phone just keeps on ringing. You finally wake up and realize the green flag dropped ten minutes ago. Oops!

Row 7

21. Forgot Your Sarah Fisher Hat – I just checked, and ours made the trip! Guess we can go!

20. Injury – An untimely injury can render you unable to attend the race. Not much you can do about that. Just don’t let the injury come as a result to excessive partying the night before the race! I have seen some dedicated people attend the race, though, including some walking nearly two miles on crutches to get to the race. It wasn’t fun attending in a sling at one of the hottest races in history…

19. Cooler Too Big – You did not read yesterday’s tips on what to take to the race, and as a result you didn’t know that coolers cannot be bigger than 14x14x18. So you have to take your cooler back to the car, and by the time you get do that the green flag has dropped.

Row 6

18. Thought the Infield was Free – Nope. $20 General Admission. Can’t ask for much better for the Greatest Spectacle in Racing, though.

17. Wedding on Saturday – If you miss because of a wedding on Saturday…well let’s just say that dedicated fans will find a way to attend! Two of our attendees had to work at a wedding on Saturday night. They got on the road at 12:30 and drove straight to Indianapolis. They managed to get in a 45-minute nap before it was time to begin the Trek to the Track. And then the race had a 3-hour rain delay. They loved every minute of it! DEDICATION!

16. Tornado Chasing – After the 2004 race where tornados were spotted within a few miles of the Speedway, you decided to start a career as a tornado chaser and are doing that instead of attending the 500 this year.

Row 5

15. Chicken Pox – Not as big of an issue now…we had a year where two had chicken pox and didn’t go to the race, and about three more ended up having chicken pox AFTER the race. Hmm…..

14. Poor Ticket Guy – He only counted the tickets 40 times instead of 50. Somehow the count got messed up. Somehow he forgot the tickets. Hopefully your ticket guy never will have this issue (he won’t if you keep bugging him! No way will he ever forget!)

13. Snake Bitten– You’re walking around before the race and decide to check out the Snake Pit in turn 3. You start having such a great time with the loud music playing that you don’t even realize the race has started. By the time you realize why you came to the Speedway in the first place, you stumble back to your seats. You get there during the Victory Lap.

Row 4

12. Coke Lot Looked Fun – You’re walking to the track and have to walk by the Coke Lot. You say a funny joke in passing, a group of tailgaters like you and offer you a drink. You accept and begin to party! You end up staying there because you’re having too much fun and at that point have too much in you to even realize that there is life outside of your tailgating area.

11. Georgetown Jell-O Shots – …enough said.

10. Danica Not Racing – And you were furious when she left and furious she didn’t return for the 500 this year. So you boycott. Your loss.

Row 3

9. Deployment – One of the few excusable reasons for missing the race. Thank you to our servicemen and -women, come home safely!

8. Caught in Traffic – Accidents, construction, not listening to traffic cops…for whatever reason you get caught in traffic on the way to the race and end up late.

7. Didn’t Check Your “Track Route” – The day before the race, our group used to take a trial run on the Trek to the Track to confirm that the “Track Route” is still there. With all of the traffic heading towards the Speedway, the veterans use a secret back route to avoid traffic on the way to the race.

Row 2

6. Food Poisoning – Those damn jelly doughnuts…

5. Bad Scalper – You trusted a scalper for your tickets and you got burned.

4. Couldn’t Get “Back Home” – Sometimes you just cannot make it Back Home Again. It’s okay, it happens. Over the next 365 days, all you can think about is how you can get back to the gleaming candlelight through the sycamores for the next race!

Row 1

3. Forgot about Daylight Savings – For the longest time, Indiana did not run on Daylight Savings time. That would cause a lot of confusion amongst non-Hoosier attendees. “11:00 local time?”

2. Rain Delayed the Race, but Not Your Plane – A washout on Sunday (and maybe Monday, too) can be very troublesome for especially those who fly into Indianapolis for the race. Your plane ticket will not change just because rain washed out the race. If you can drive, definitely do so. That way you don’t have to worry about missing the race.

1. Drank too Much –It’s obvious as the polesitter here. But please be careful. You don’t want to spend the race passed out on a couch or having to watch from the back of an Indiana State Trooper’s car.

The Field of 33 – Reasons You Missed the Indy 500

Row 1	1. Drank Too Much	2. Rain Delayed the Race, but Not Your Plane	3. Forgot about Daylight Savings Time
Row 2	4. Couldn’t Get “Back Home Again”	5. Bad Scalper	6. Food Poisoning
Row 3	7. Didn’t Check “Track Route”	8. Caught in Traffic	9. Deployment
Row 4	10. Danica Isn’t Racing	11. Georgetown Jell-O Shots	12. Coke Lot Looks Fun
Row 5	13. Snake Bitten	14. Poor Ticket Guy	15. Chicken Pox
Row 6	16. Tornado Chasing	17. Wedding on Saturday	18. Thought the Infield was Free
Row 7	19. Cooler is too Big	20. Injury	21. Forgot Your Sarah Fisher Hat
Row 8	22. Missed Wake-Up Call	23. Sun Poisoning	24. Mad at Your Pool Drawing
Row 9	25. Helio Keeps Winning	26. Sour Milk	27. Florence Phobia
Row 10	28. No Place to Stay	29. Graduation	30. Chair Shark
Row 11	31. Spent All of Your Money at Vendors	32. Seats are No Longer Available	33. Purdue Band Was Full